gfy - "gossip tree fug girl."

The Fug Girls do an awesome job making fun of CMM.

So, of course, "We Three" was like crack for their souls -- enjoy.

now this makes sense.

This week's crapfest was the first thing that CMM has ever written.

Are you surprised?

the eternal debate.

Since we've jumped ahead four years -- are we now in 2012? Or is it 2008 and we were ALWAYS in the past before?

Is it now-now or then-then? Now-then?

I bet ten bucks that Mark Schwann has not considered this AT ALL. Which is upsetting -- given how many people die on this show, this needs to be straightened out, so all the gravestones are correct.

We Three (emo to the max)

CMM wrote this episode, so you know it's going to be super douchey and emo.
How many dream sequences can one show have?
Peyton STILL has her creepy gross nails

Ugh, why is the only 1940s song anyone ever plays "Sing Sing Sing?"

So, it's raining in Tree Hill, you know what that means. It means a super emo/dramatic episodes where people bone and/or die.

CMM is not good at dialogue. Don't call your fiancee a knucklehead.

CMM in a fucking white tux with creepy hair.

Look at Mouth! Floozy?! Really? Oh CMM... worst writer ever. You are NOT Lucas Scott.

The 40s were not nearly as diverse as CMM seems to think they were.

Dan Scott is creepy even in a 1940s fantasy. Why does Hayley suddenly have a Southern accent?

Where is Karen btw?

Even in the 40s this show has too many annoying musical performances.

Of course Skills is the creepy slightly offensive characiture of a piano player.

"Satin was a bad decision."

Nathan thinks Hayley is a "dame."

Luke wants nothing. Apparently he has everything he needs in this crazy cafe/night club.

Peyton rolls in with Dan Scott? What kind of hooker is she? Even in the 1940s she's a hooker.

Of course Julian is one of Dan Scott's goons.

Brooke owes Dan Scott money?

Why, in Lucas' fantasy, is Peyton with his FATHER?!

Worst fake mustache ever on Dan.

Julian is the best goon ever. Yeah, you break that bottle on the table.

ewww. Dan Scott and Peyton in the back of a car... creepy.

Somehow she's Dan's charge? How does this happen?

Why is Mouth such a creepster in this fantasy? Where's Millie? Why is Mouth a has been? I don't like this. Mouth, passed out on a pile of trash.

CMM is the worst writer ever.

Mouth hears it all.

Hayley apparently likes the rain.

also apparently Karen is just gone. Seriously, why doesn't Karen ever come back to visit or see her son?

Oh, how depressing. Nathan has been drafted. Go serve your country Nathan. You go fight those Nazis.

Peyton is just as annoying in the 1940s.

Peyton has no thoughts on the war, but feels bad for the boys.

This is such an awkward converastion. Why is Lucas walking like a weirdo.
Women were not anywhere near this forward in the 40s.

CMM does not look good in hats. He looks like a child.

Peyton is "cared for." Which I'm pretty sure is 40s slang for "hooker."

Who is singing if Hayley is dancing and not singing?

Nathan has to go report tomorrow night for the Army. This could be has last night alive, and he wouldn't want to spend it with anyone but Hayley.

Why do they all have creepy nails?!

Peyton "wants to fall in love." Lucas thinks Peyton is "pretty." Oh CMM. You are a horrible writer.

Apparently no one else in the world knows that Dan and Peyton's mother were in love? How did that happen?

This episode is horrible.

Hayley is eating Cracker Jacks!

Dan IS the mob of Tree Hill City.

WTF? Breaking Skills' hand/wrist in a car door?

Peyton is retarded and her dove charm now came from some random sailor her whore of a mother knew who took them out on the water.

What did Owen do to Dan?!

Why is Mouth in the garage?!

"Hiya."

So Mouth gets cement shoes and gets thrown off a bridge?

Even in Lucas' fantasy Dan killed Keith.

Nathan wants a little girl!? What about baby Jamie?! The REAL baby Jamie?!

Peyton, once again is too late. "They're going to kill Mouth." Try Mouth is already in the river, wearing cement shoes you dumb bitch.

CMM is totally stealing shit from Dick Tracy.

"If Peyton dies, I'll vote this the best episode ever." -K

What is with Julian's tiny, tiny tie?!
Oh Julian and his tiny, tiny tie are dead.

Dan has a surprise for Lucas. Brooke's final favor was to shoot someone?
Dan was not messin around when he hit Brooke. She went down for reals.

Thank God Peyton got shot. It's about damn time. Apparently inthe 1940s, everyone fell in love really quickly.

Nathan can't promise he's coming back alive! You can't make those promises when you go to war!! Watch out for those Nazis and Japs Nathan!

"She's putting her leg up. She looks like a fucking clydsdale."

"You're free now Peyton..." Yes, she's dead Lucas.


So, in his dream, Peyton, his fiancee dies? Worst dream ever?

Why is everything on this show a fucking dream sequence?!

"Don't ever leave me."

"Ok...bye."

Peton actually falls and hurts herself? Is she going to actually die?!!! Can we hope for such things?!

So next Monday not only has nothing to do with Monday, but it also have Dawson?! WTF?!

In this week's episode:
Hayley deals with stage fright. Thank God that creepy bra on the outside dress was just a dream.
Sam makes Brooke breakfast.
Millicent finds Gigi in Mouth's bed. Mouth slept on the couch, Millie is still pissed with good reason.
Nathan plays a not funny joke.
Hayley is not looking forward the USO show.

Lucas is creepy when he sleeps.
Peyton is a creepy sleep watcher. Then she's mad that Lucas isn't all "not ok" with her past relationship with Julian.

Patricia from the adoption agency calls Brooke re: the placement of a newborn.

Lucus punches Julian in the face!
Hayley has another dress where her bra is on the outside.

Orvell is Chester's imaginary friend.

Why is Lucas so creepy?!

Nathan is upset that Jamie has an imaginary friend, then imaginary Q appears.

Gigi is a whore.

Millie and Mouth still haven't had sex.

Why are Sam and Peyton still yelling? They're inside a tent now.

Q is still imaginarily there.

The return of Mia. Oh Kate Vogiouasdfal who can't act her way out of a paperbag.

Where did all those people come from!?
Are they still in Tree Hill?

Peyton wears something ugly and kinda slutty. So, you know usual Peyton wear.

Do any of these people still remember who Hayley is?

Why is everybody yelling?!

Julian wants to talk to Lucas, so he tries to go through Peyton.

I hate the musical interludes on this show. They take away from the actual storyline.

Lucas tries to dig from Brooke the Julian story.


How did NO ONE know about Peyton and Julian?!

Lucas needs to stop being so damn emo.

TOO MUCH MUSIC. GET TO THE STORY LINE.

If I wanted to see Kate Voguel in concert I would buy a ticket to see her. I don't want to see her in concert, as herself or as Mia.

I hate Gigi
Brooke's dress is REALLY short.
Nobody looks excited to be at this show.

Nathan all pissed at Q for not showing up at the River Court when he was DEAD.
dead/imaginary Q is mad because Nathan gets a second chance.

Lucas gets schooled in the ways of contracts.

apparently there's more to life than basketball.
Everytime he gets to hold Hayley (which is never)...



Peanut fell asleep in her magic blanket.

Ugh. Angels and Airwaves.

Millie totally calls Gigi out and tells her what's up.
It looks like Gigi might be the new crazy stalker on the show.

Brooke's dress is REALLY short! I bet everyone in the front row could see up her dress when she and Peyton announced Anges and Airwaves. By the way, Tom DeLong is a douche and was always better as part of Blink 182.

Apparently no one in Tree Hill understands how contracts work. Peyton thinks even though Lucas signed over the rights to his book that Julian can't just "take it away " from him.
Actually Peyton, that's exactly what it means you retard.

I hate Gigi. I do not trust her.

Peyton needs to convince Lucas to make the movie with Julian.

Nathan is going to set the house on fire. What's with the pan flute music?
Why don't Nathan and Hayley ever have sex?

More Angels and Airwaves?! I hate them. Why did they get two songs when everyone else only got one?

Why is Brooke calling back the adoption agency at like midnight?


Oh....Nathan and Hayley are going to have sex! Woah, Q showing up when they're goin to bone. Talk about creepy.

Next week: WTF? Written by CMM? Gross. OTH continues to jump the shark.

This week's episode of One Tree Hill

Brooke is designing again

Fratvestite.

Did a cougar attack Owen on his way over? -k

Gold, Godiva, Gucci, Gerber

Way to fatten up your man Hayley.
Way to fatten up your son Nathan.

Lucas has the douchiest shirts ever.

Hell yeah, flashback. Flashback to the first proposal. Peyton meets Julian in the mail room. But she still has creepy pointy finger nails.

Best thing about a paper jam...

Paper my jam- A

Lucas buys Final Draft and writes the screenplay in three weeks.

"one scene away from great." Ciematically it doesn't get much better than a man killing his brother.

poor man's joshua jackson
"i would totally bone joshua jackson."
"Oh I would totally bone joshua jackson."

"Seth Green looked like a leprechan."

Peyton tries to give a moral lesson to Brooke. Pot, meet the Kettle.

"She went like that?!"

"are you experiencing this neckline?!"

It's like a v-neck that went over the biggest head in the world. It's like the good year blimp put on a shirt."

"i'd put that shit on a loop."

Owen, naked in the backseat of Brooke's car. "at least you think i'm huge?"

Sam teaches Baby Jamie to rip people off.

The return of emo Lucas.
Dan Scott doesn't deserve a spot in Jamie's life. Wow Lucas.
"he's dressed like a lesbian."

Peyton and Julian lived together. She also still has creepy pointy nails.

Baby Jamie, selling snacks on the playground.
Where do these kids get their money?!

As if we needed more reason to hate Peyton.

Jamie gets busted. Tries to pay off his own mother.
Learns a hard lesson about extortion.

Another Slam Ball montage.

"ten bucks says Brookie makes out with Owen at the end of this game." -k

Back to emo Lucas. Oh, meeting with Dan.

Lucas, who is apparently a writer doesn't seem to notice that his "novel" is actually a memoir.
Dan lets Lucas write the scene with Dan as the villian, which further proves to me (tiny) that he really isn't so bad after all.

After school special moment.

Owen gets benched. Now Nathan is a wide open target.

Nathan gets checked, through the glass. Again?! Again through a plate of glass?!!
Baby Jamie, full of five year old wisdom.

We were so close on the Brooke/Owen thing. She did kiss him though.

I hope this means the wedding might be called off.

"why does mouth have these huge ties? it's like fucking Halloween with dick tracy. "

Gigi put your vagania away. Why is Mouth even considering this?!

Too late Peyton. I hope this breaks up the engagement. I think six weeks was more than enough time to ruin Lupus.

Last week's episode opens with a slam ball montage. I (tiny) am still confused as to how Owen magically became part of this sport. Nathan and Owen's team is called The Slashers which sounds like a weird
Baby Jamie schools Sam and then is terrified by the game of slam ball.
And Jamie tells Sam that his daddy told him it was fine to date. The child is FIVE.

Meanwhile, Lucas, hiding under the bleachers kinda like Christian Slater in Heathers discovers something interesting about his book that he previously believed was a failure.

Mouth + Gigi, awkward, and Mouth talking about needing to digitize some footage. Kate: "I bet they're going to digitize some footage."
Gigi is a bitch!

Nathan gets schooled by his coach who looks like a football player instead of a basketball coach.

Turns out the interesting news is about Lucas' first book, all about Peyton. Apparently someone wants to buy the film rights.

After Sam's wheelchair comment, Hayley goes deep in thought.

btw how great is it that James and Sophia are dating? Yeah, totally great.

Hayley is reading b. davis magazine. This show needs to find a better makeup artist. The bruises on this show are shameful.

Petyon's nails are still creepy, pointy and gross. Peyton is an idiot. Also Austin Nichols comes in this episode. word.

I hate Lupus.

Slunt? I guess that's what makes this show safe for network television.

Jamie declares Sam as his "favorite girl."

Owen is a poor mans, obese Greg Grunburg.

Baby Jamie asks to sleep over at Aunt Brooke's where Sam lives.

Julian Baker, creepy Austin Nichols, instrested in optioning Lucas' book. Creepy faux Lucas.
Not in a "Peyton Stalker" sort of way.

"I'd probably fuck him sober, and that's saying a lot." - A.

"they should make out." -t
"I'd watch that."-k
"I'd totally watch that." -a

What is with the Military shit? Where did THIS come from?!
Apparently Peyton missed her brother, who she never talks about.

Gigi is really pushing it. Sexy, Hot Piece of Ass. Why does she keep making passes at Mouth?! Maybe she's trying to push for a threesome with him and Milicent.

"Is it weird that my first thought was Tom Cruise?" -k re: who plays Nathan in the movie.

PATCHES!!!!!!
Also a nice little tidbit about the age of actors playing high school students. Nice work Mark Schwaan.

"No one's dream was ever Slam Ball." -k

and of course Lucas didn't even THINK about Brooke.

Wait, so Peyton and her half brother have the same father? I thought they had the same mother?

Everybody still misses Quentin, even Chester.

And then a stab at the CW...what?

Gigi is kind of a slut. Nathan words of wisdom "Millie's a rockstar, don't screw that up."

Owen wants to be hooked up with Brooke so he asks Nathan for help.

Best moment of the episdoe: Owen popping his head around the door at Brooke's .

Sam mentions Goonies, Jamie has no idea what that is, and then Sam brings up horrible memories for Jamie. Then she totally corrupts him to take him to a party to give him moonshine. BABY JAMIE IS FIVE!!!!

Peyton continues to somewhat insult her half brother.

Peyton needs to have her hair did.

Now Peyton wants to do a USO show.

Does Lucas own any shirts that aren't plaid? I am so creeped out by Lucas.

Hayley wants Ellen Page to play her? Say what?

"I'm so inside this story..." that's what she said?

Julian wants Lucas to write the screenplay.
We think Julian is crazy, creepy in love with Peyton.

"Sounds like something on the Muppet Show" -k re: Hayley's new song

Way to go Sam, throwing a skater party (?)
BABY JAMIE WITH GLOWSTICKS!!
"why does everyone look like a reject from a Pharell video?"

Peyton's wedding dress, totally tie dyed and being worn by some dude?! on a skateboard.

Is six months long enough to break up Lupus?

"turn over and bone her!"

And, we were right. Julian is a creepy ex (?) who is totally in love with Peyton.